A Primer in Democrat logic:

(1) The North Vietnamese were actually good guys when Kerry demanded in 1971 that the USA pull out of the Vietnam war and then they were conquered bad guys when Kerry needed a "I’m running for President" war hero record.

(2) Our trade embargo against Cuba was wrong when Carter became the first ex-President to publicly contradict a standing Administration’s foreign policy, but was OK when Carter himself enforced the policy while he was in office…and Clinton…and Kennedy, the Democrat who started the policy to begin with.

(3) We should never make a move to protect the United States without the tacit approval of those incredibly sophisticated French and Bush is at fault for not single handedly stopping 9/11 based on a 6 year long warning on one of his morning Presidential Daily Briefings.

(4) Men lose absolutely all vested interest in a fetus after they’ve donated their sperm, unless it’s accidentally allowed to make it to term, then the man becomes a "dead beat dad" if he doesn’t take responsibility and pay child support. You have the right to life, but only if you’re a convicted rapist and murderer, not an unborn baby (diapers…yuk!).

(5) Anti-religious bigotry is the last acceptable "ism" in America and you’re a Fundamentalist wacko if you disagree, unless you’re Muslim, then you’re terribly misunderstood and have every right to be enraged at America.

(6) We completely "Support the Troops", we just don’t support what they have actually volunteered to do, what they’re now doing, where they physically are located, or any poll points they happen to take away from our wonderful candidate, lovingly known as, "not Bush".

(7) Funneling Billions (yup, that’s with a B) into sex-education and free condoms/abortions has completely fixed and sanitized the underage sex and unwanted pregnancy epidemic in America. If statistics at all indicate otherwise, it must mean we need to lower our initial targeted age group again.

(8) The overwhelming majority of Americans were against the Iraqi war, even as our ambassadors, the Dixie Chicks made clear, but the whole world understandably still hates all of us because of only 4 men - Bush, Cheney, Ashcroft, and Rumsfeld.

(9) If there’s anything that the sacrifice and hard work of our Founding Father’s taught us, it’s our God-given (er, sorry…Government given) right to free health care. To the small percentage of slimy corporate fat cats that actually will pay it for us (and so it’s not really free at all, but just to them), their likeliness of greediness and not really honestly earning all that money anyway is more than enough justification for an institutionalized, backwards caste system. Bill Gates alone could be made responsible for Washington state!

(10) One of the most time honored ways of wealth-redistribution is via multi-million dollar court judgements and settlements, as multi-millionaire and dreamboat John Edwards has so elegantly proven to us. The countless doctors who claim they cannot afford to work with this new system aren’t welcome in the business anyway.

(11) Even though Evolution is the most controversial scientific THEORY of all time, it must religiously (sorry) and fanatically be believed upon with all our heart. If science cannot be relied upon for justifying social engineering and disproving the existence of God, it will become nothing but a haven of irrelevant nerds.

(12) Unfortunately, a President lying under oath actually is an impeachable offense and one that will even get you disbarred in Arkansas. So make sure to keep saying it’s only about sex. Since thousands have died from another President’s lying to start a war for oil, we’re pretty sure the new impeachment trials should start up here any day now.

(13) Anything the public votes for, even in a vast majority, can thankfully be instantly erased by one single person with a black robe invoking the truly magical word "unconstitutional". Fortunately, since the Constitution is a breathing, living document, it can remain hip, with the times and clearly detail the rights of abortion on demand and even magically redefining 10,000 year old words…like "marriage". Isn’t that SO cool! The only time a court ever stepped over it’s so called "separation of powers" in the history of the world is when it "selected" Bush in 2000. And 99.999% of the time, only a Republican President can overstep the separation powers.

(14) Kerry’s service and medals won in Vietnam is a perfect basis for an entire Democratic National Convention platform and his election to the Presidency, but mentioning his anti-government/anti-war protests after his return from Vietnam is nothing but political manipulation and deception.

(15) Being a drug addict is a disease, as also is obesity, according to the American Medical Association. But f you suffer from both of these, and happen to be an influential conservative radio personality, then it’s freaking hilarious.

(16) Since the Supreme Court failed to properly "steal" the 2000 election for the correct guy, now Hillary thinks we should eliminate the Electoral College. It’s about time that California and New York made all the decisions for those backwards, fundamentalist wacko "fly over" states.

(17) Clinton smoking pot in college was secretly considered cool, but Bush using cocaine and alcohol completely crossed the line, because those are simply two things Democrats will never, ever partake in. Seriously. We won’t. What?